As stated in a previous post, I have recently launched my Etsy shop to sell my paintings. It has been quiet an experience. I recently just sold my first 2 paintings on there. Although I have sold paintings before, these were the first ones on my shop so it was even more special. To celebrate this, I am running a 20% off sale on the entire site. Please check it out and make a purchase if you see something you like. Everything is appreciated 💜. Site link is posted below.
Hello to all my followers. I want to start off by personally thanking each and everyone of you who read, like, and just show love on here. It really means a lot to me. 2020 proved to be very difficult for me. After numerous hospital trips, uncontrolled anxiety, family members having COVID, plus the loss of a family member, and being placed in a role I never thought I would be in, I seriously didn’t think I would get through it. But I did and came out more determined than ever to live life to the fullest.
I’ve always been told that whatever you do on January 1st is what you will be doing all year long. This year I took it seriously and did many firsts. I started my Etsy shop with my acrylic paintings called Kemetic Nigist Art (currently updating with more products), I’m now on TikTok under the same name, and I created a YouTube page where I will share the making of my paintings and MAYBE do a story time with some of my writings, and just going full steam ahead with business and life. It’s important to remember that life is short and everyday we have on this Earth is a blessing. So let’s not take it for granted. Set goals and crush them.
I would love to hear down below what some of you are doing to start off the new year. Tell me your goals, tell me what projects you have going on, or just say hey!!! Also check out the videos of some of my work and follow me on TikTok KemeticNigistArt along with my Etsy shop. If you don’t already follow me on Instagram, head on over to Melanin Way Of Life and hit that follow button. I’ll be hosting a giveaway on there soon with one of my paintings. Peace, Love, and Light 💜.
Standing here now, I only have one thought in mind, “I am not who I once used to be.”
The reflection staring back in the mirror is strikingly different these many years later.
My rich chocolate skin is now a tad darker,
Processed hair now transitioned to locs,
Slim shape graduated to thick and curvy,
A complete sign of evolution.
Peeling off the layers of clothing like the layers of my past that I fought so hard to overcome is like a weight lifting to finally reveal what I have been waiting so long to see.
My naked truth.
A truth I had so long hidden with baggy clothes that gave me the ability to physically feel all the years of self doubt and hated that society inflicted on me internally.
Taking years and years of my life as I sat through therapy learning that I am not the problem.
But now I get.
Right here in this moment, in all my glory, I can smile.
And it is genuine.
Because I have overcame and silenced the noise of all those who don’t matter.
I have finally learned to love me.
Sing with me,
“If your love was all I had in this life, well that would be enough until the end of time…”
Close your eyes as the lyrics fill you
Now wrap me in your arms and sway with me
Just like that
To the beat we move side to side like a pendulum
Caught up in this moment of love and lyrics
Enraptured by the feel of being in each other’s embrace
As the music serenades not just me, but you as well
Beyoncé’s smooth voice comes in and I can’t help but sing along
Pouring out my heart to you as every word represents how I feel
And although my voice is nothing compared to hers
Hers has nothing on the meaning mines reflect as I look into your eyes and sing
“ohh oh oh oh oh oh whoa yeah….”
You felt that just like I did
As you rock with me
Body to body
Pelvis to pelvis
Lips lightly touching
As we dance
Sitting in this bathtub
Immersed in bubbles
Surrounded by the scent of jasmine
Thoughts of you flitter across my mind
Reminding me of the last time I was in your presence
Standing close, but still separated by frost covered glass
Wishing things were like they used to be
Nestled in each other arms
In our cozy little apartment
But those days are long ago
Thanks to you choosing to answer the call of fast money and dangerous living
While I walk the path of a creative determined to make it
Two worlds that may never collide
But if you asked me to I would’ve tried
To make it happen so this loneliness wouldn’t have settled in my heart
Causing long days and even longer nights
Wondering if we would ever be together again
If you would ever choose me over your new life
Thoughts that can only be answered by you
If only my nerves would settle enough for me to pick up the phone
Then you’d hear my desperate pleas for you to come home
Suddenly fear gives way to courage as I dial your number
Hope fills my chest before panic at the sound of your voice
Shallow breathing and coughing is what I hear in between you forcing out my name
Apologies mixed with confessions of love grace my ears as tears roll down my face
I whisper them back in hopes of this all being a misunderstanding, but if not you’d still know that as you take your last breath
I’ll love you until the end of time
As I sit in my bed and anxiety flows through my body
I think back on how life was all so simple just months ago
Before the days of never ending positive cases and no longer able to see everyone faces
Things we took for granted when we had our noses buried in our phones not bothering to look up
Carelessly walking through stores obviously to the many dangerous germs that now have us in fear of coming in contact with and scrambling for hand sanitizer every five seconds
An unwelcoming wake up call to the dangers we previously were susceptible to is now nothing compared to what we all are fighting now
A fight that has become so heartbreaking and tiresome as we watch many fight in this battle
Some surviving but still experiencing long lasting symptoms and others we have to say goodbye to.
Those goodbyes that hurt more than anything because we’d all give up valuable possessions just to say I love you again or
Just to have another moment.
Sadly it’ll never come and we experience this over and over again until our minds are left with feelings of pure hopeless.
Repeating the phrase over and over again like our favorite mantra…..
It all started with a simple conversation.
A conversation filled with many hesitant questions that I told myself were irrelevant.
Internally battling that voice that replaced my curiosity with fear.
Fear of finding everything I had been told was all an illusion.
An illusion created to keep many in a deep slumber while the wicked ran rampant.
Free of all consequences while the lost ones looked on with the rose colored glasses they were given so long ago.
Just as I have been for many years.
Until a simple conversation brought forth a simple question,
Can I tell you something?
The something was like finding pages and pages of a lost text.
The erased writings on the wall our ancestors left.
Now returned to its rightful owners.
To decipher the meaning.
As they awaken from their slumber.
With eyes wide open.
I wonder what I would see if I got a view from their eyes
After all the world is not all sunshine and roses
So tough that many days I find myself questioning am I good enough
A good enough mother, a good enough wife, and most of all a good enough human being
Am I making the right decision to be deemed worthy
Have I earned enough tickets to heaven or would my actions be seen as deeds merely for self gain
The thought alone makes me fall to my knees
Begging the most high to hear my heart
My intentions are pure although they may not appear that way
May I be lighter than the feather on judgement day
But hear in the physical, please find me worthy
Worthy of the love from my creations
My creations that look at me through the eyes of such innocence
Eyes that look past my faults and embrace all there is of me
Because no matter what
I am mom in their eyes
As the sorrow filled voice of Donny Hathaway
Settles in our ears I take in this moment
The lyrics a reflection of our feelings for one another
Loving in a place where there’s no space or time
One could only dream of a love like that, but in you I have found it
With you I have embraced it
Together we have mastered it
So much so that to be without one another would be the equivalent of suffering a slow heartbreaking death
A death that would surely be welcomed if that would lead me to you again
Back to this moment
This moment of love void of space or time
Serenaded by the sorrow filled voice of Donny Hathaway
Singing the lyrics to a song that I have now claimed as
My song for you
The other day someone asked me how I knew you were the one
The question instantly stomped me
And I become flooded with memories of when we first begun
The moment I looked in those deep brown eyes and told you my name
The second I laughed when you told me I was your wife
All the fights and arguments between us as our younger selves met our older selves
Every birth of our children that caused me to fall in love all over again
And now I have my answer
I didn’t know you were the one when I first met you
There was no fairytale love at first sight
My heart didn’t skip a beat the moment I met you,
But when you held my hand and walked through this thing called life destined to become man and wife
Continuing to fall in love with one another’s higher self
No longer able to see life with anyone else
I knew then you were the one