The façade has ended
The person you created is gone
The one I’m truly intended
To be has arrived
I gave you all of me
And you still couldn’t see
The damage done over time
Digging deep inside
I cried out for help
I begged you to stop
Let me be
And set me free
But like a bird you caged me
Determined not to let me sing
The trauma you inflicted
Has been evicted
I have found my voice
Now you must listen
As I unburden my truth
When the mask comes off
I rub my eyes in the middle of my slumber
I suddenly feel parched
Parched and hot
So hot it’s like I am on fire
But how could that be
I know I set the temperature to the normal 69 degrees before bed
Opening my eyes, what awaits me stops my already still heart
Soul after soul surrounding me
Preying on my confusion
As they get closer, my body burns more
So much so that flames burst out of my skin
Shocked they step back with newfound fear
Fear that renews my memory
This place does not scare me
It is my home
A figured perched high yells out from his throne,
“GIVE THEM HELL DAUGHTER!”
As I walk through the darkness
I’m assaulted with a vision of light
Filled with hope as I come to the edge
Eyes closed
Arms wide open
Free falling with images of you in my head
Warmth fill my soul
Should death come
I am happy
Happy to be in your embrace
As you catch me
Whispering promises of protection
Holding me tightly
You love me
Forever
Who will mourn me when I’m gone?
Surely not the ones who take me for granted.
Not the ones that want nothing, but also everything.
Everything to the point where I have nothing left.
Not even an ounce of care for self health.
My mind and body are both tired.
Tired to the point of giving up.
Walking away with nothing else to say.
After all, what could there to be said?
How are you feeling?
Is it anything you need?
What can I do for you?
No, nothing like that could be said.
Except from a few.
The ones that genuinely care.
The ones that want nothing in return but for me to be me.
While the rest leave me to feel nothing but unappreciation.
So I am left to wonder again,
Who will mourn me when I’m gone?
Elijah McClain was a 23 year old massage therapist. Everything I have read about him screams gentle. On his lunch break he would play the violin for the kittens in the pet shop next door. He ran in barefoot running shoes because he felt it was more natural. Many of the runners I’ve spoken with in the past have voiced similar things. He was anemic and could be found even in the summer time wear layers of clothes and a runners mask due to being cold. That I can also find true because I have a son that’s anemic. He taught himself how to play the guitar and violin. HE TAUGHT HIMSELF! So what could he have done that would’ve been so wrong to cause him death?
Police received a call about a person acting suspicious flailing their arms and wearing a ski mask. The caller also reported that he didn’t appear to be a threat and did seem to have a weapon. So basically an unnecessary welfare check? How did that in turn lead to his death?
When officers arrived, orders to stop were not responded to. Why was that? Because he was wearing headphones! He couldn’t possibly comply if he did not hear the orders. Once he did notice and proceeded to turn down his music to hear, it was too late. The feeling of “disrespect” had already been planted. Now a need for authority had to be shown.
For 15 MINUTES the officers had him in a hold that applied pressure to his carotid artery. For 15 MINUTES he begged, pleaded, and even complimented the officers. All to no avail. They still applied pressure to the point he began to vomit. Then EMT’s gave him a shot of ketamine (sedative) because he was determined to be “agitated”. Who wouldn’t be? Then to make matters worse, the dose he was given was for a 220 LB. man. Elijah weighed 140 lbs. This lead to him going into cardiac arrest not once, but twice before later being declared brain dead.
I am sadden, I am heartbroken, and I have shed tears for this young man that did not deserve what has happened to him. I’ve seen pictures and watched the video where he was filled with happiness while indeed wearing layers of clothing as friends and family described. I also can’t help but to wonder again, how many others we still have not heard about. Especially when Elijahs life was taken almost a year ago and we are just now hearing about it. WE NEED JUSTICE FOR ELIJAH NOW!
There’s love in the projects
Maybe not all roses and fairytales
But there is love
I remember waking up on summer days
Just waiting to see who was coming out to play
Red Rover Red Rover send my friends over
Then we’d red light green light all over the neighborhood
Before joining the girls to sing about Little Sally Walker sitting in her saucer
Man those were good times
Standing in the front yards
Watching the sunset and betting who’d catch
The most lightning bugs
And slapping every body part bitten by mosquitos
Signaling the day was over but there would be many more to come
Until
Finally waving goodbye after years have passed
Not knowing that everything was changing
The friends that became family will now be strangers
Greetings become awkward
Smiles become forced
Goodbyes become rushed
While internally you just want
To go back to the way things used to be
Red rover, red rover bring that feeling back
Red light the changes that the distance brought
And tell little Sally Walker to never rise from her saucer
Then things wouldn’t have to end yet
You’ll continue to feel the love from the projects.
Can I talk to you for a minute?
I mean really talk to you.
And for once just listen.
Listen to the words as they flow from my lips.
Hold them to the highest priority like an alter to the ancestors.
May they bless our bond after this moment.
A moment that is a long time coming.
There is so much I have wanted to say to you.
I’m sorry life has not always been kind to your feelings.
I’m sorry it made you shut off your love from the world.
As a child I needed that.
I needed it badly, but you could not give it.
At least, not in the way that I needed.
For a while I was angry.
I wondered if I was just unlovable. Now that I know it wasn’t my fault, I forgive you.
I forgive him too.
The man that hurt you.
My father.
You both knew no better,
And in order to heal
I have to let go.
Let go of the doubt and self destruction.
Now I am happy.
Happy that I can say the things and feel the things I never felt.
My children are happy as well.
They deserve that.
Happiness.
Love.
As my mother, you do too.
But you continue to reject it.
That’s okay.
If no one ever tells you or you continue to
Harden your shell.
Just know that how I felt back then
Is how I feel now.
I love you….
November 11, 1909- Cairo, IL.
William “Froggie” James was a dashing young man. Tall and dark with a body full of muscles. Many women wanted him, but he only had eyes for his Sandra. They had been together for some time now and would be getting married soon.
Walking down the streets of Cairo, IL, he was filled with such pride. Black people had come a long way, but still had a ways to go. White folks still had a short fuse just looking for someone to blow up on. He made sure to steer clear of them when he could.
As he came upon a building, he heard a scream. Something told him to keep walking, but it was a woman and he didn’t want to leave her helpless. As he got ready to go inside, his friend Alexander came barreling out, almost knocking him over and continued up the road. Venturing inside he saw feet from someone on the ground that eventually revealed a young white woman. Fear filled him like never before and he dashed away from there.
Once he made it home, he slammed the door as his love came out of the kitchen.
“What’s wrong,” she rushed to him when she noticed the look on his face.
“I found,” he struggled to get his words out, “white girl dead.”
Sandra felt a chill come over her, “Did anybody see you?”
He merely shook his head no.
“Good,” she started to pace, “You didn’t do it right?”
“Of course I didn’t,” he yelled at the top of his lungs.
“We have to get out of town.” She started gathering their belongings.
William frowned, “I did nothing wrong!”
“You think they care!” She shouted.
Just then loud knocking came at the door.
“Come on out William,” they heard the voice of the well known sheriff.
“I didn’t do it,” William said as he opened the door.
The sheriff had been kind to him many times.
“People say they saw you running away from where a girl was found dead,” the sheriff pulled out his cuffs, “It’s better for me to take you in now before anyone else comes after you.”
William took a look a Sandra, “Stay here and don’t let anyone in.”
Tears fell as she watched them drive off. Dark clouds hung over the town. Destruction was coming.
Just as the sheriff was booking in William, a mob had formed outside. They were demanding that William be released to them for revenge.
Not knowing what else to do, the Sheriff snuck out the back and drove William out of town. He hoped to stay there until things calmed down. That never happened.
In the middle of the night, they heard rumbling where they were hiding before seeing a group of men.
“Hand him over Sheriff,” one of them said.
Before the sheriff could grab his weapon, they had him at gunpoint while others dragged William away screaming.
He was dragged all the way back to town, “Please! I didn’t do it!”
His words fell on deaf ears. That night the town seemed to destroy William and whoever else they could unleash their rage upon.
See as there was no getting through to them he yelled, I did it and Alexander took the lead!”
He knew the right person would hear the message in his confession.
William was dragged through the town square as people hit him and called him names. In the center, there was a noose tied around his neck as not the men, but the women pulled the rope. After he was hung, his body was riddled with bullets before the people cut pieces of his body for souvenirs. Then as they were finally satisfied, they placed his head on a light pole and set it on fire.
With all this going on, no one noticed Sandra standing in the background. Filled with rage, she embraced the ways of her ancestors. Her grandmother had taught her many years ago that she would know when to use her special gifts.
Calling on her ancestors, she placed her hands on the ground, “Ancestors, feel the innocent blood spilled here today. The blood of my love. He did not deserve this and neither did the ones before him. I declare today, until all wrongs are righted, there will never be peace. For as long as innocent blood is spilled, these streets shall forever crumble. Take the peace and take Alexander.”
The streets shook as a scream could be heard in the distance. That scream belonged to Alexander being dragged away before the mob even thought to look for him. Sandra walked off into the night away from the town never wishing to return. Now cracks fill the streets of the town and no matter how many times they fix them, they still crumble.
Note: Cairo, IL. is my hometown. Although I put a twist of love in the story, William “Froggie” James was an actual person that was lynched for the murder of a white girl there in 1909. Many of us resident have been taught the story. He maintained his innocence and just before his hanging, he admitted and said a man named Alexander helped. That man was never found. Many say that because of all the bad that happened there, the streets are cursed and indeed are filled with cracks no matter how many times they were fixed. Let me know your thoughts in the comments as if you have heard of this story. I hope you like the sprinkle of love and fantasy I placed in it.
I saw you walking with her
And my heart smiled
I could not love you
The way you loved me
So you found it in her
And I am grateful
Grateful that she gave you what you wanted
What you needed
Love
I remember sitting outside
Feeling lost and lonely
A memory of you came to mind
I could see you so clearly
Your caramel skin and bright eyes
Serious face and deep dimples
I could see it all
And it hurt
It hurt so much that I began to cry
And in the midst of my crying
Something landed on my leg
With it, it brought feelings of happiness
A happiness filled with love and laughter
That’s when I knew it was you
You always knew what I needed
And right then
I needed a kiss from a butterfly
