I’m Tired

Artist unknown

I’m tired of smiling when I don’t feel like it

I’m tired of being considered an angry black woman

I’m tired of being asked how I feel after

Seeing another brother or sister murdered

I’m tired of being asked to help someone understand why black lives matter

Inside I want to scream

I DON’T FEEL LIKE SMILING

I COULD CARE LESS IF YOU THINK IM ANGRY

AND IF YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND THE IMPORTANCE OF BLACK LIVES MATTER

THEN THATS ON YOU

I DON’T HAVE TIME TO TEACH A CLOSED MIND NOR DO I WANT TO

I AM UNAPOLOGETICALLY TIRED

Called Out To You

I called out to you

Just before midnight

In the middle of a empty street

Highlighted by the glow of the streetlights

I prayed you’d hear me

I held my breath for a reply

None came

Heartbroken I turned to go home

Tears soaked my face

The same face I felt a hand touch

Warm love filled my veins

The deep timbre of your voice whispers

Physically I am gone,

But I’ll love you always

Submissive For Him

Artist Unknown

I stood in front of a melanated God,

One who seemed to debate every word that would come out my mouth.

If I said it was hot, he said it was cold.

If I said it was 12:01, he said it was past noon.

Every single thing was a debate.

I soon found he wanted to assert his dominance.

He was nothing like the men I had come across before.

My sharp tongue only fueled his desire to make me submit.

Submit to the inevitable,

One day he would rule my world and I would let him.

Me, the strong black woman that didn’t need to bow down to a man.

Those words I expressed to him one day,

The narrowing of his eyes showed his displeasure.

He then schooled me on the fact that submissive did not equate to weak.

Submissive in a woman was not being afraid to let the man lead and showing a man is nothing without his neck, his woman.

Submissive was accepting his vulnerable side the world was not privy to.

Submissive did not relinquish independence, it balanced the roles between two forces.

And submissive was not gender based,

For the right woman, the right man will submit when needed.

With that he won my heart,

Opened my mind to a new way of thinking.

The world will know my dominance,

But for him I will be submissive.

Simplicity

Riding down the boulevard

I reach over and hold your hand

It’s early,

So early it’s like we’re the only ones on the road

We take it all in

Crazy by India.Arie comes through the speakers

The soulful notes touches us deep within

No words are needed

Everything in this moment speaks for itself

The sky resembles a portrait come to life

With colors of red, pinks, and yellow

The sun slowly rises

Casting a light of simplicity

Of love everlasting

Beauty Unveiled

Another writing prompt

She walks into the room with style and grace

Encased in a dress of sensual black velvet

I’m ensnared by the beauty of her

She is surrounded by an aura that puts me at ease

While her red nails send me in a spiral of burning desire

I need to be close to her

Even if it’s only for a second

Finally, My wish is granted

She stopped in front of me and smiled

The moment will forever be embedded in my mind

That smile was the unveiling of the rarest crystal flower and the surrender of my heart.

I Miss Her

I wish I could tell her how much I miss her

I miss her cold hands early in the morning

I miss that crazy dance she randomly did to make me laugh

I miss her loud voice when she gets excited

I miss the crazy messages while I’m at work

I miss the way she’d stay up all night and become a grouch when the alarm goes off

I miss the way she said my name when she was mad

I miss the way she’d run her hand over my waves

I just miss her

Every little thing about her

I pray she’s somewhere happy

I hope she thinks of me

I wonder if she knows she’s the best thing that happened to me

I need her to know I miss her

I Am Not Invincible

Storm from X-Men. Artist unknown.

As much as I want to be Storm from X-Men (let’s be real Wonder Woman is so overrated. Debate me later lol), I’m not. I recently found that out and although I don’t like it, I have to accept that. I’m the type of person that feels like I can do any and everything on my own. Yes, I know how to ask for help and occasionally I do, but for the most part I prefer not to. Growing up it was better to do things yourself or have it thrown in your face later. The past few weeks I have been adjusting to having 3 rowdy children at home 24/7 now that school is out, blogging, working on my Masters, helping my husband start his business (super proud about that. Anybody who’s into cooking and good recipes check out manthatcooks903 on Instagram He’s going to go far and his meals are yummy).

This weekend I found myself in the hospital wondering, “How did I get here?” Feeling my heart racing to where it feels like it’s going to explode, dizzy to the point I might pass out, and sudden sweats was completely terrifying. As a person that dislikes hospitals, even I knew something was off and I needed to get seen. After two hours alone in a hospital bed (thanks to COVID and no visitors allowed in the hospital) turns out I was experiencing anxiety/ panic attacks and high blood pressure.

Serious wake up call. My body has spoken and now I am listening. It sucks that we as people wait until we have a scary moment to take certain things in life such as our health more seriously, but we do. Now I am dedicated to knowing my limits. I’m dedicated to not feeling guilty about taking a rest period or allowing those I TRUST to help me when needed. More importantly, I’m dedicated to getting healthy. I have a family that depends on me and not taking care of myself can potentially rob them of future moments that can be made because I was foolish enough not to take life seriously. This scare was only anxiety and blood pressure, but it could’ve been worse. What if it was a stroke, a heart attack, or something severe that called for more than just rest and a few changes? What if I was too stubborn to get checked out and gotten to the point where it was too late for help?

We as people have to realize that we are not promised tomorrow. We only have one life and once it’s gone, that’s it. When that’s it, we are not only hurting ourselves, but those that we leave behind. They are the ones that have to deal with the pain of not having us around and holding on to memories/moments they’ll never have again.

So let’s live life folks, but do it responsibly…

How Much I Love You

I want to tell the world how much I love you

I want them to know that from the moment I met you, I found the manifestation of love.

I want them to know that the rich color of your skin reminds me of the most premium cocoa

I want them to know that when you smile, that dimple on you left side of your cheek winks at me in a sexy way

I want them to know that just the touch of your hand makes me quiver down to the depths of my soul

So much so that when you hold me I wish you would never let go

I want them to know….

I need them to know….

To know that I can’t really describe how much I love you

There aren’t enough words to give an accurate description

I find myself looking at all I have written and it always seems like it is never enough

And then I fear that when the time comes like tonight, when I want to tell the world how much I love you

I’ll get stuck

Stuck to the point that the moment will be gone before I can even utter a single world

So right here, in this moment

As the spotlight is on us

I’ll look you in your eyes and simply say

I love you

It’s Already Been Buried

Standing up, I wipe my brow after throwing the last dirt on the grave

It’s done

It should have been done long ago, but

At last, it is done

The best part is, no one knows the grave is here

Should someone find it, surely they’ll have no idea who buried it here

They’ll probably be thankful that someone did it

Going to my car I laugh with glee

The world will now be free

I go to the busiest street and park needing to feel this new world

Out of my car and smack dab in the middle of it

Smack dab in the middle of the same chaos I just buried

How could this be!

It was supposed to end!

It’s still the same!

Countless brown skinned men and women on the ground

Their cries fill the air until I cover my ears

I yell as loud as I can, “I BURIED YOU!”

America yelled back, “YOU CAN’T BURY WHATS BEEN PLANTED IN THE MINDS HUNDREDS OF YEARS AGO!”

Sitting on the ground I watch it all continue to play out

So what America is telling me is that even though I tried the bury racism it’s too late because it’s already been done.

The seeds were planted deeply so long ago in the minds and it’s roots are now stronger and it’s branches are even longer

Reaching the minds of the unsuspecting and innocent until it creates the intended divide

The realization hits me so powerfully that I grab my head and shout to all that can hear, “WHEN DOES IT END?”