Self Love

Artist Unknown

Standing here now, I only have one thought in mind, “I am not who I once used to be.”

The reflection staring back in the mirror is strikingly different these many years later.

My rich chocolate skin is now a tad darker,

Processed hair now transitioned to locs,

Slim shape graduated to thick and curvy,

A complete sign of evolution.

Peeling off the layers of clothing like the layers of my past that I fought so hard to overcome is like a weight lifting to finally reveal what I have been waiting so long to see.

My naked truth.

A truth I had so long hidden with baggy clothes that gave me the ability to physically feel all the years of self doubt and hated that society inflicted on me internally.

Taking years and years of my life as I sat through therapy learning that I am not the problem.

But now I get.

Right here in this moment, in all my glory, I can smile.

And it is genuine.

Because I have overcame and silenced the noise of all those who don’t matter.

I have finally learned to love me.

Until The End Of Time

Artist Unknown

Sitting in this bathtub

Immersed in bubbles

Surrounded by the scent of jasmine

Thoughts of you flitter across my mind

Reminding me of the last time I was in your presence

Standing close, but still separated by frost covered glass

Wishing things were like they used to be

Nestled in each other arms

In our cozy little apartment

But those days are long ago

Thanks to you choosing to answer the call of fast money and dangerous living

While I walk the path of a creative determined to make it

Two worlds that may never collide

But if you asked me to I would’ve tried

To make it happen so this loneliness wouldn’t have settled in my heart

Causing long days and even longer nights

Wondering if we would ever be together again

If you would ever choose me over your new life

Thoughts that can only be answered by you

If only my nerves would settle enough for me to pick up the phone

Then you’d hear my desperate pleas for you to come home

Suddenly fear gives way to courage as I dial your number

Hope fills my chest before panic at the sound of your voice

Shallow breathing and coughing is what I hear in between you forcing out my name

Apologies mixed with confessions of love grace my ears as tears roll down my face

I whisper them back in hopes of this all being a misunderstanding, but if not you’d still know that as you take your last breath

I’ll love you until the end of time

With Eyes Wide Open

Artist Unknown

It all started with a simple conversation.

A conversation filled with many hesitant questions that I told myself were irrelevant.

Internally battling that voice that replaced my curiosity with fear.

Fear of finding everything I had been told was all an illusion.

An illusion created to keep many in a deep slumber while the wicked ran rampant.

Free of all consequences while the lost ones looked on with the rose colored glasses they were given so long ago.

Just as I have been for many years.

Until a simple conversation brought forth a simple question,

Can I tell you something?

The something was like finding pages and pages of a lost text.

The erased writings on the wall our ancestors left.

Now returned to its rightful owners.

To decipher the meaning.

As they awaken from their slumber.

With eyes wide open.

In Their Eyes

I wonder what I would see if I got a view from their eyes

After all the world is not all sunshine and roses

It’s tough

So tough that many days I find myself questioning am I good enough

A good enough mother, a good enough wife, and most of all a good enough human being

Am I making the right decision to be deemed worthy

Have I earned enough tickets to heaven or would my actions be seen as deeds merely for self gain

The thought alone makes me fall to my knees

Begging the most high to hear my heart

My intentions are pure although they may not appear that way

May I be lighter than the feather on judgement day

But hear in the physical, please find me worthy

Worthy of the love from my creations

My creations that look at me through the eyes of such innocence

Eyes that look past my faults and embrace all there is of me

Because no matter what

I am mom in their eyes

What are you thankful for?

Today I take the time to reflect and give thanks. In a world constantly focused on Covid and politics, it’s easy to not pay attention to the blessings that we have had or currently receiving. So I take the day to slow down and focus on all the good in my life. I’m surrounded by family and friends that love me for me, those same family and friends are healthy, plans to move forward with my writing and business are coming along nicely, and most importantly I’ve been blessed to see another day that could’ve easily been taken from me. So for all that I am grateful. I encourage everyone to take a moment out of the day and soak in the moment, reflect, and give thanks for your blessings.

Not My Independence Day

As the colorful display lights the sky

And God Bless America plays

Take a moment to remember

Remember that on this day

A day that many people celebrate

It is also a day that not everyone can relate

Relate to the feeling of pride and freedom

Love for a battle won

That battle won was only for some

Those melanated Kings and Queens were still

In chains

Destined to sacrifice for another 2 years

And years to come as the physical became mental prisons and modern day lynchings

Replace the plantation with projects

Slave masters with white supremacists with a badge

Throw in the school to prison pipeline

and most importantly

Separate the King’s from the Queens

As long as they are not together America shall have its freedom

After all 3/5ths of a person couldn’t possibly need freedom

So yes, let the fireworks shower across the sky and God Bless America play

As we celebrate NOT MY INDEPENDENCE DAY

It’s Already Been Buried

Standing up, I wipe my brow after throwing the last dirt on the grave

It’s done

It should have been done long ago, but

At last, it is done

The best part is, no one knows the grave is here

Should someone find it, surely they’ll have no idea who buried it here

They’ll probably be thankful that someone did it

Going to my car I laugh with glee

The world will now be free

I go to the busiest street and park needing to feel this new world

Out of my car and smack dab in the middle of it

Smack dab in the middle of the same chaos I just buried

How could this be!

It was supposed to end!

It’s still the same!

Countless brown skinned men and women on the ground

Their cries fill the air until I cover my ears

I yell as loud as I can, “I BURIED YOU!”

America yelled back, “YOU CAN’T BURY WHATS BEEN PLANTED IN THE MINDS HUNDREDS OF YEARS AGO!”

Sitting on the ground I watch it all continue to play out

So what America is telling me is that even though I tried the bury racism it’s too late because it’s already been done.

The seeds were planted deeply so long ago in the minds and it’s roots are now stronger and it’s branches are even longer

Reaching the minds of the unsuspecting and innocent until it creates the intended divide

The realization hits me so powerfully that I grab my head and shout to all that can hear, “WHEN DOES IT END?”

Window To The Soul

They say the eyes are the windows to ones soul

I believe it every time I look into yours

That steely gaze that has the ability to stop me in my tracks

So dark I get lost in them as I dive in a dark pool of onyx and drift away

Slowly, with the vision of love that both you and I create

A love that has transcended the test of time

Through our many resurrections

Resurrections I am reminded of through your eyes

We once laid under the stars next to the Niger River and fell asleep in each other’s embrace

You held my hand while I prayed to the ancestors as Harriet led us to freedom

We were there in Virginia, by Nat Turners side when he led the revolt in 1831

And when the bombs dropped in Tulsa, you helped board up windows and keep us safe from those seeking to hurt us

I remember when we sat in the restaurant and was star struck when Malcolm had his date with Betty. You know the one where he taught her the history of the pig right after.

The party on Juneteenth, was one of the best we ever had. You sure did have some good moves for an old man.

We really had some good times

Times I see on repeat just like now as I stare in your eyes

My heart skips a beat as you sweep me off my feet

Holding me closely while placing your forehead on mine without breaking eye contact

Your eyes, the window to your soul and the gateway to my heart.

Do You Hear Us Now?

Look out over the horizon

See the flames burn bright towards the sky

Hear the pain in their voices as their souls cry

This isn’t the beginning 

This isn’t the end

It’s been tacked on for years

Covered in prayers and understanding 

Littered with stereotypes and hate

Too much blood has been spilled

No more can others decide our fate

The ground shakes as spirits rise

Fearless and strong they release war cries

We stand with you our children

We have always stood with you

Fill the streets with your presence 

Let the world feel your anger

You built this land and can easily tear it down

Whatever it takes to destroy those intended to oppress

Then as the smoke clears and the spotlight shines

Look them in their eyes and question,

“Do you hear us now?”

Enough Is Enough

Emotions are very high right now. After just witnessing Ahmaud Arbery and Sean Reed, here we are again with George Floyd. I have to ask, when is enough enough. How much more blood has to be spilled for America to get that our lives matter? Will America ever get it? At this point I don’t care if they ever fully get it. Just know that my life, my children’s lives, and all people of colors lives matter. We will not continue to be hunted and laid down for the world to see as an intimidation tactic.

Intimidation can no longer work, fear can no longer flow through our veins at the sight of someone considered better than us or legally able to take a life, and we cannot continue to move peacefully. We are going through the same motions moth after month; angry, protest, pray, and forgive. When does the action come? When do we stand up for our lives? Too much blood has been spilled and I refuse to see anymore spilt only to go silent after an arrest. An arrest does not mean a conviction. People get arrested every day and still do no jailtime. I am not satisfied with just an arrest.

I need to see action. Anyone can share, hashtag, and complain. That only goes so far, and history shows that that distance is not far enough. Eric Garner, Tamir Rice, Trayvon Martin, Sandra Bland, Freddie Gray, Philando Castile, Oscar Grant, Botham Jean, Atatiana Jefferson, Pamela Turner, Korryn Gaines, Emmett Till, George Stinney, Ahmaud Arbery, Sean Reed, Breonna Taylor, and now George Floyd. All the times where our distance was never enough for proper justice. 

Once again, my mind is tired and my heart is broken. Everyone loves the culture, but don’t love the people the culture comes from. We have become a trend for the world to embrace when it’s cool, but silent when the harsh reality is put on display. Where is the people that love the culture now? Where are the people of privilege that shout, “We are all equal?” For those who are silent, you either don’t see a problem, you don’t care, or you’re too afraid of losing your privilege to speak out. Therefore, you are part of the problem. 

In a world full of Martin Luther King, Jr’s, I see sprinkles of Malcolm X as more and more people awaken to say enough is enough. That makes me proud, that gives me hope that although there are people that still wish to bury us, there are even more sprouting out the ground from the strong roots they come from. It’s ok to be Martin. The world needs balance, but even Martin said in the end, “I fear I am integrating my people into a burning house.”

Enough is enough people.