Self Love

Artist Unknown

Standing here now, I only have one thought in mind, “I am not who I once used to be.”

The reflection staring back in the mirror is strikingly different these many years later.

My rich chocolate skin is now a tad darker,

Processed hair now transitioned to locs,

Slim shape graduated to thick and curvy,

A complete sign of evolution.

Peeling off the layers of clothing like the layers of my past that I fought so hard to overcome is like a weight lifting to finally reveal what I have been waiting so long to see.

My naked truth.

A truth I had so long hidden with baggy clothes that gave me the ability to physically feel all the years of self doubt and hated that society inflicted on me internally.

Taking years and years of my life as I sat through therapy learning that I am not the problem.

But now I get.

Right here in this moment, in all my glory, I can smile.

And it is genuine.

Because I have overcame and silenced the noise of all those who don’t matter.

I have finally learned to love me.

As We Dance

Unknown

Sing with me,

“If your love was all I had in this life, well that would be enough until the end of time…”

Close your eyes as the lyrics fill you

Now wrap me in your arms and sway with me

Just like that

To the beat we move side to side like a pendulum

Caught up in this moment of love and lyrics

Enraptured by the feel of being in each other’s embrace

As the music serenades not just me, but you as well

Beyoncé’s smooth voice comes in and I can’t help but sing along

Pouring out my heart to you as every word represents how I feel

And although my voice is nothing compared to hers

Hers has nothing on the meaning mines reflect as I look into your eyes and sing

“ohh oh oh oh oh oh whoa yeah….”

You felt that just like I did

As you rock with me

Body to body

Pelvis to pelvis

Lips lightly touching

As we dance

Until The End Of Time

Artist Unknown

Sitting in this bathtub

Immersed in bubbles

Surrounded by the scent of jasmine

Thoughts of you flitter across my mind

Reminding me of the last time I was in your presence

Standing close, but still separated by frost covered glass

Wishing things were like they used to be

Nestled in each other arms

In our cozy little apartment

But those days are long ago

Thanks to you choosing to answer the call of fast money and dangerous living

While I walk the path of a creative determined to make it

Two worlds that may never collide

But if you asked me to I would’ve tried

To make it happen so this loneliness wouldn’t have settled in my heart

Causing long days and even longer nights

Wondering if we would ever be together again

If you would ever choose me over your new life

Thoughts that can only be answered by you

If only my nerves would settle enough for me to pick up the phone

Then you’d hear my desperate pleas for you to come home

Suddenly fear gives way to courage as I dial your number

Hope fills my chest before panic at the sound of your voice

Shallow breathing and coughing is what I hear in between you forcing out my name

Apologies mixed with confessions of love grace my ears as tears roll down my face

I whisper them back in hopes of this all being a misunderstanding, but if not you’d still know that as you take your last breath

I’ll love you until the end of time

With Eyes Wide Open

Artist Unknown

It all started with a simple conversation.

A conversation filled with many hesitant questions that I told myself were irrelevant.

Internally battling that voice that replaced my curiosity with fear.

Fear of finding everything I had been told was all an illusion.

An illusion created to keep many in a deep slumber while the wicked ran rampant.

Free of all consequences while the lost ones looked on with the rose colored glasses they were given so long ago.

Just as I have been for many years.

Until a simple conversation brought forth a simple question,

Can I tell you something?

The something was like finding pages and pages of a lost text.

The erased writings on the wall our ancestors left.

Now returned to its rightful owners.

To decipher the meaning.

As they awaken from their slumber.

With eyes wide open.

In Their Eyes

I wonder what I would see if I got a view from their eyes

After all the world is not all sunshine and roses

It’s tough

So tough that many days I find myself questioning am I good enough

A good enough mother, a good enough wife, and most of all a good enough human being

Am I making the right decision to be deemed worthy

Have I earned enough tickets to heaven or would my actions be seen as deeds merely for self gain

The thought alone makes me fall to my knees

Begging the most high to hear my heart

My intentions are pure although they may not appear that way

May I be lighter than the feather on judgement day

But hear in the physical, please find me worthy

Worthy of the love from my creations

My creations that look at me through the eyes of such innocence

Eyes that look past my faults and embrace all there is of me

Because no matter what

I am mom in their eyes

My Song For You

Artist Unknown

As the sorrow filled voice of Donny Hathaway

Settles in our ears I take in this moment

The lyrics a reflection of our feelings for one another

Loving in a place where there’s no space or time

One could only dream of a love like that, but in you I have found it

With you I have embraced it

Together we have mastered it

So much so that to be without one another would be the equivalent of suffering a slow heartbreaking death

A death that would surely be welcomed if that would lead me to you again

Back to this moment

This moment of love void of space or time

Serenaded by the sorrow filled voice of Donny Hathaway

Singing the lyrics to a song that I have now claimed as

My song for you

The One

Artist Unknown

The other day someone asked me how I knew you were the one

The question instantly stomped me

And I become flooded with memories of when we first begun

The moment I looked in those deep brown eyes and told you my name

The second I laughed when you told me I was your wife

All the fights and arguments between us as our younger selves met our older selves

Every birth of our children that caused me to fall in love all over again

And now I have my answer

I didn’t know you were the one when I first met you

There was no fairytale love at first sight

My heart didn’t skip a beat the moment I met you,

But when you held my hand and walked through this thing called life destined to become man and wife

Continuing to fall in love with one another’s higher self

No longer able to see life with anyone else

I knew then you were the one

Stained Tears

Artist Unknown

Tears cascaded down my face

As I found myself further in this sunken place

Lost in the thoughts

Of a love long left behind

I hear your voice riddled with sadness

But still I could no longer stay in this madness

The heart wants what the heart wants

Unfortunately what my heart wants is not what my soul needs

Healing

Healing from the toxicity of the burning flame

inside the both of us

The flame that made the pain we created easily soothed from the passion that followed

The passion that slowly faded with the rising of the morning sun and we’ve left to ask each other

What have we become?

When did we become this couple that no longer basks in the love but look forward to the making up to numb the pain from the endless injection of love and hate?

Where do we go from here?

You afraid to answer the questions which leaves me forced to make the decision for both of us.

Silently packing my bags and creeping off into the darkness at the midnight hour.

Hoping one day you’ll forgive my cowardly exit, but thank me for release both of us from the torturous merry go round.

The merry go round that replays visions in my head of what could have been if only I had stayed,

But instead I have only wishful thinking and stained tears.

One Last Time

Artist Unknown

As you place your lips on mine

Broken promises whisper in my head

Reciting the words I long to speak out loud

One last time

Those three words will shift the dynamic of our endless love affair

Those three words rejuvenate the strength that was depleted so long ago

Given freely to you during a time when I felt you were mine

A mistake on my part

For sharing a love that was simply ours on borrowed time

Time that ran out long ago when I went from number one to the other woman

A position I didn’t know existed until she made herself known

Revealing your true colors you tried desperately to camouflage with sweet nothings gently gracing my ears under the cover of late night meetings

Meetings that have now long ended but yet I’m still in attendance

Waiting on you to walk through the door with more of the love I desperately crave and despise at the same time

So much so that as you come in seeking the shelter from a stressful day with her

And you place your lips on mine

I find the voice I lost long ago and whisper

One last time

In Front Of The Fireplace

At the start of the hour

We find ourselves in my favorite spot

In front of the fireplace

With the glow highlighting your face

My third eye opens for you

Watching you with renewed interest

Longing for a sign that we are on the same page

Begging for your touch until finally you put me out of my misery

With the sweetest forehead kiss creating a trail down to my lips

Before becoming frozen in this moment of no turning back

Creating a mental note of the day that our lives changed

In front of the fireplace