In Their Eyes

I wonder what I would see if I got a view from their eyes

After all the world is not all sunshine and roses

It’s tough

So tough that many days I find myself questioning am I good enough

A good enough mother, a good enough wife, and most of all a good enough human being

Am I making the right decision to be deemed worthy

Have I earned enough tickets to heaven or would my actions be seen as deeds merely for self gain

The thought alone makes me fall to my knees

Begging the most high to hear my heart

My intentions are pure although they may not appear that way

May I be lighter than the feather on judgement day

But hear in the physical, please find me worthy

Worthy of the love from my creations

My creations that look at me through the eyes of such innocence

Eyes that look past my faults and embrace all there is of me

Because no matter what

I am mom in their eyes

The One

Artist Unknown

The other day someone asked me how I knew you were the one

The question instantly stomped me

And I become flooded with memories of when we first begun

The moment I looked in those deep brown eyes and told you my name

The second I laughed when you told me I was your wife

All the fights and arguments between us as our younger selves met our older selves

Every birth of our children that caused me to fall in love all over again

And now I have my answer

I didn’t know you were the one when I first met you

There was no fairytale love at first sight

My heart didn’t skip a beat the moment I met you,

But when you held my hand and walked through this thing called life destined to become man and wife

Continuing to fall in love with one another’s higher self

No longer able to see life with anyone else

I knew then you were the one

What are you thankful for?

Today I take the time to reflect and give thanks. In a world constantly focused on Covid and politics, it’s easy to not pay attention to the blessings that we have had or currently receiving. So I take the day to slow down and focus on all the good in my life. I’m surrounded by family and friends that love me for me, those same family and friends are healthy, plans to move forward with my writing and business are coming along nicely, and most importantly I’ve been blessed to see another day that could’ve easily been taken from me. So for all that I am grateful. I encourage everyone to take a moment out of the day and soak in the moment, reflect, and give thanks for your blessings.

One Last Time

Artist Unknown

As you place your lips on mine

Broken promises whisper in my head

Reciting the words I long to speak out loud

One last time

Those three words will shift the dynamic of our endless love affair

Those three words rejuvenate the strength that was depleted so long ago

Given freely to you during a time when I felt you were mine

A mistake on my part

For sharing a love that was simply ours on borrowed time

Time that ran out long ago when I went from number one to the other woman

A position I didn’t know existed until she made herself known

Revealing your true colors you tried desperately to camouflage with sweet nothings gently gracing my ears under the cover of late night meetings

Meetings that have now long ended but yet I’m still in attendance

Waiting on you to walk through the door with more of the love I desperately crave and despise at the same time

So much so that as you come in seeking the shelter from a stressful day with her

And you place your lips on mine

I find the voice I lost long ago and whisper

One last time

In Front Of The Fireplace

At the start of the hour

We find ourselves in my favorite spot

In front of the fireplace

With the glow highlighting your face

My third eye opens for you

Watching you with renewed interest

Longing for a sign that we are on the same page

Begging for your touch until finally you put me out of my misery

With the sweetest forehead kiss creating a trail down to my lips

Before becoming frozen in this moment of no turning back

Creating a mental note of the day that our lives changed

In front of the fireplace

Short Story: The People Of The Lake

Lake Lanier

Silence filled the night as the young girl sat near the lake. 

“What you doing out here,” a whispering voice touched her ears. 

“Who said that,” she called out while standing. 

“Dangerous place for a lonely girl,” the voice said again. 

“Who’s there,” her heart sped up with fear. 

Backing up preparing to run, the girl saw something that made her want to pass out. A glowing figure began coming out of the water. It was a African American girl about the same age as her wearing old tattered clothing. Her eyes held a hint of sadness and a lot of anger

“Where are you going girl,” her voice got stronger. 

She turned to run, but a force stopped her. 

“Going so soon,” the spirit taunted her. 

Tears flowed down the girls eyes as she pleaded, “Please.”

With the snap of a finger, the spirit had the girl sitting back at the edge of the water with her. 

“Relax girl, I won’t hurt you right now.”

“What do you want,” the frightened girl asked. 

“What is your name,” the spirit asked back. 

“Nechole,” the girl answered. 

“Well Nechole, I am Polly. Named after my mother,” she said with pride. 

“Are you going to hurt me, Polly,” Nechole’s voice shook. 

“You intrigue me,” Polly looked closely at her, “Why would you be here alone despite the history of this place.”

“Lake Lanier,” Nechole was confused. 

“You people must do better with learning history,” Polly scoffed, “Have you never heard of Oscarville?”

“Oscarville?”

Polly waved her hand out towards the water and an image of a city appeared. In it you could see people running for their lives, buildings on fire, and so much death before water rushed through the town and the image sank back into the water. When she looked at Nechole there was tears running down her face. 

“Was that real,” Nechole finally spoke. 

Polly shook her head while sighing. It had been awhile since she told the story to anyone. Many were not worthy, but it was something that stopped her from letting happen to Nechole what happened to the others. 

“It was very much real. Those that didn’t make it out safely, were killed all because people felt we didn’t belong in a town we created. Then they lived in the town like nothing happened before flooding it further disrespecting  our bodies.”

Nechole sat there taking in all that was told to her. Not only was she talking to a ghost, but receiving a history lesson as well. 

“Is that why there’s so much death here,” Nechole’s voice rose like she had just uncovered and major secret. 

“Over 600,” Polly stood, You should go now.”

“What’s wrong,” Nechole was scared again. 

“The others will be waking soon and they won’t be as nice as me.”

Nechole backed up from the shore and moved quickly towards land. Looking out at the water she saw other glowing figures begin to rise out of the water lighting up the night and watching her. What appeared to be the leader, held up his hand and made her stop in her tracks. 

He then looked at Polly,” You told her our story?”

“Yes Father,” she moved closer to him.

“Why?”

“She has good energy. She is the one to tell the story.”

The father looked back at Nechole. In the blink of an eye he stood in front of her. He circle her with glowing eyes studying her before stopping back in front of her. 

“My daughter is a fine judge of character. You radiate purity. Will you tell our story?” 

“Is that what you want,” Nechole’s voice shook. 

“It is.”

“Will the killing stop,” she inquired. 

“We do not wish to kill,” he told her, “but with our sacrifice the descendants of others must pay the price as well. 

“You take our people as well,” she stressed. 

“They did not heed the warning,” he shrugged, “we were not welcome here then and we do not need to enjoy the creation that came from our deaths. Go back to your people, tell our story, and make sure the world knows what awaits them should they not heed the warning.”

With that he was back at the shore with the rest and they all disappeared except Polly. She lingered a second longer. 

“It was nice to meet you Nechole, “ she waved. 

“Interesting, but nice Polly.” Nechole waved to her. 

“Tell our story and don’t come back.” She warned with a smile before disappearing.

Note: Oscarville, Ga was one of the city’s located in Forsyth County that experience what many have referred to as a racial cleansing. 1,100 African Americans were chased out of the town making it an all white town. Many tactics were used such as burning buildings, lynching, and more. In two separate occasions, a black man and two teenagers were hung in retaliation to the rape of one white woman and the murder and rape of another in 1912. Towns like Oscarville and others were then flooded to create Lake Lanier which took 5 years to fill up.

Blog: Justice For Elijah McClain

Elijah McClain’s last words to officers

Who is Elijah McClain?

Elijah McClain

Elijah McClain was a 23 year old massage therapist. Everything I have read about him screams gentle. On his lunch break he would play the violin for the kittens in the pet shop next door. He ran in barefoot running shoes because he felt it was more natural. Many of the runners I’ve spoken with in the past have voiced similar things. He was anemic and could be found even in the summer time wear layers of clothes and a runners mask due to being cold. That I can also find true because I have a son that’s anemic. He taught himself how to play the guitar and violin. HE TAUGHT HIMSELF! So what could he have done that would’ve been so wrong to cause him death?

Summary of what I’ve read about his death…

Police received a call about a person acting suspicious flailing their arms and wearing a ski mask. The caller also reported that he didn’t appear to be a threat and did seem to have a weapon. So basically an unnecessary welfare check? How did that in turn lead to his death?

When officers arrived, orders to stop were not responded to. Why was that? Because he was wearing headphones! He couldn’t possibly comply if he did not hear the orders. Once he did notice and proceeded to turn down his music to hear, it was too late. The feeling of “disrespect” had already been planted. Now a need for authority had to be shown.

For 15 MINUTES the officers had him in a hold that applied pressure to his carotid artery. For 15 MINUTES he begged, pleaded, and even complimented the officers. All to no avail. They still applied pressure to the point he began to vomit. Then EMT’s gave him a shot of ketamine (sedative) because he was determined to be “agitated”. Who wouldn’t be? Then to make matters worse, the dose he was given was for a 220 LB. man. Elijah weighed 140 lbs. This lead to him going into cardiac arrest not once, but twice before later being declared brain dead.

Final Thoughts

I am sadden, I am heartbroken, and I have shed tears for this young man that did not deserve what has happened to him. I’ve seen pictures and watched the video where he was filled with happiness while indeed wearing layers of clothing as friends and family described. I also can’t help but to wonder again, how many others we still have not heard about. Especially when Elijahs life was taken almost a year ago and we are just now hearing about it. WE NEED JUSTICE FOR ELIJAH NOW!

Daughter To Mother

Photo obtained from Pinterest. Artist Unknown

Can I talk to you for a minute?

I mean really talk to you.

And for once just listen.

Listen to the words as they flow from my lips.

Hold them to the highest priority like an alter to the ancestors.

May they bless our bond after this moment.

A moment that is a long time coming.

There is so much I have wanted to say to you.

I’m sorry life has not always been kind to your feelings.

I’m sorry it made you shut off your love from the world.

As a child I needed that.

I needed it badly, but you could not give it.

At least, not in the way that I needed.

For a while I was angry.

I wondered if I was just unlovable. Now that I know it wasn’t my fault, I forgive you.

I forgive him too.

The man that hurt you.

My father.

You both knew no better,

And in order to heal

I have to let go.

Let go of the doubt and self destruction.

Now I am happy.

Happy that I can say the things and feel the things I never felt.

My children are happy as well.

They deserve that.

Happiness.

Love.

As my mother, you do too.

But you continue to reject it.

That’s okay.

If no one ever tells you or you continue to

Harden your shell.

Just know that how I felt back then

Is how I feel now.

I love you….

It’s Okay To Take Time Off For Yourself

I’ve always thought that I did well with self care. This past week helped me realize that I didn’t. Over the process of dealing with everyday life, I stopped meditating, stopped listening to my relaxing music, stopped my yoga journey, and just completely forgot about myself. So, as I stated in a previous post, all of this over time has led to high blood pressure, anxiety, lack of energy, and although I post a lot; a struggle with writing. Not to mention everything going on in the world with my brothers and sisters is heartbreaking .

I battle with myself about what things I should blog about. I know that if I tackle certain topics right now my anger may overshadow my writing. I don’t want to disrupt the message. In some ways I feel as if I’m giving in to certain people by not releasing my anger. Sometimes that’s needed to be seen, but in order to do that I also need balance. This is where self care comes in. It helps me to clear my mind.

With that being said, I’m taking a self care week. A week to get back to me. I’m hoping by the end of the week I’ll be able to get back in the saddle and be ready to unleash a number of topics on the world in an unfiltered way that I like. I also want to release more creative writing through the form of poems, short stories, and whatever else pops up in this crazy mind of mine.

My Plans

In my quest for relaxation I have a number of things planned:

1. SLEEP (I have crazy insomnia)

2. Meditate

3. Work in my garden. Y’all my garden is still struggling. So much for having a garden like my grandmother’s lol.

4. Spend time with my children.

5. Have a date night with my husband. Pray for me. There is a certain princess that feels she must be included when it comes to her father <inserts eye roll>.

6. Catch up on some reading.

As with everything, plans are subject to change. If that happens then so be it, but I’m going in with a plan. Wish me luck!

Adjust Your Crown

Relax queen

Kick up your feet

The days been rough

And your soul is beat

Release the worries

Plaguing your mind

Leave the negative all behind

They tried to defeat you

Tried to make you give up

They didn’t know like I know

You’re never down on your luck

In this space you are welcome

Full of others just like you

There is strength in numbers

Sista we got you

So when it gets too much

And your head drops down

We’ll help you pick it up

Help you adjust your crown